Debts may have
mounted or he was lacking financial support
from family or friends but usually the
attempts
occurred when there was a disruption in his
access to drugs. The threat of suicide
usually led to a stay in a facility where
drugs would be prescribed.
George has never actually
harmed himself in any way in any of his "suicide
attempts." His most common threat of suicide includes
placing a gun to his head. To date, we are unaware of
any occasion when he has ever pulled the trigger.
Note to George:
In the future should you again attempt
suicide and it's a serious attempt, please
consider the following suggestions.
Make your attempt when you are alone.
Do not leave notes around the house for
others to find and do not phone anyone to
discuss the matter. If you wish to use a
gun, do not point it at your head; instead
place the barrel in your mouth and firmly
squeeze your lips. Energetically suck on the gun then pull the
trigger. Pulling the trigger is a
necessary and unavoidable step in this
process and it's the particular step that
seems to have perplexed you. If you
follow these suggestions you'll have a much
greater chance of a successful suicide.
Dec. 5 2004
Dearest
Family.
As you
know I've been a fuck-up most all of my life. I guess
if your reading this I fucked-up again.
I did
what I was pushed into doing not because I wanted or needed
to but because I had too and was forced too.
I'm
tired to my bones of trying. I'm sick of starving,
(lost 78 lbs., down to 162 lbs.) I'm sick of suffering
in relentless pain every hour of every day. I know
your thinking "well he took so much drugs he couldn't feel
any pain." Let me tell you pain medicine doesn't work
like some magical pill!! I suffer every hour every
day, but always tried to put on a "smile" and keep trying to
go forward.
I really
thought I'd make it this time. I only existed because
of the kindness and generocity of my best friend
Name
Redacted.
I would be where I'm at today a year ago. I hope
and pray that she will somehow understand. I thank
her from the bottom of my heart. When you sell off all my stuff
please make sure she is compensated for her loss if any.
That
brings me to my brother
Name Redacted.
Please
go thru all my stuff sell it for the best possible
price. Please don't just toss it every dollar will
count.
Secure as much for everything that you can, please.
Split between children and some to
Name Redacted after
Name Redacted
is compensated.
Program
(Disk) code "Mauger Knows Best" password "Tammorra" all
other info, insurance ect.
Gonna go
I love you all
Especially my two great children. You always made me
proud and where my most cherished Love's my letters to you
on comp. will go into detail.
Love
Always
For Eternity,
George
C. Mauger II
P.S. I
really did try my best
It was never good enough.
This suicide note was on a
page in a yellow tablet originally found on his desk and was preceded
and followed by to do lists which included things such as
"rotate tires," and "Message 11-5 RE Saddle 610-XXX-XXXX
wants to see saddle." While it's nice that George
considered making good on his most recent loan from his best
friend, he had already mentally written off his obligations
to repay loans with his family members including his elderly
mother. He
believed though that his family would be useful for carrying out his wishes
after his proposed demise.
Jan
13 2005 How Appipoe!!
Dearest
Name Redacted,
Hey!
Of all the letter's I've had to write your's was the
toughest next to my children. If your reading this
it means things went real bad. There just is no
way that prison for any length of time is an option for
me. I just wouldn't be able to do it.
Hopefully I didn't hurt anyone other than myself.
I mean other people than my family.
You have
been so very special to me for a long, long time.
I always treasured the time we spent, you,
Name Redacted
& I.
I've
wondered what it would be like if I had not have met
Name Redacted.
I
deeply, deeply love & adore her and would always be true
to her. I'm sure she's upset with me.
I have
a deep love for you and have had that for many a moon.
But the love I have for you is not the same way I love
Name Redacted
and I
certainly didn't mean to hurt you. I truly tried
my best and was so close. I can't tell you how
much I appreciate everything you've done for me. I
was sure I was on my way. I had all the
pieces for success in front of me. But I just
couldn't beat father time. Guess what they say "a
day late & a dollar short" is true.
We're wondering how many
suicide letters open with "Hey!" George professed love
for two women in this letter. One he "deeply, deeply"
loved and the other was a "deep" love. We're unclear
what he may have done to be concerned about prison time but
it's not unthinkable to suspect it was drug related.
Note to George:
Bravo George! You thought you wouldn't be able to
handle prison time but you spent 6 months in prison. We can't speak for you but the time just flew
by for us.
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